'How to Avoid Paperwork' or' Procrastination Works for Me'

One sunny day a few weeks ago, a Babbit appeared and decided to find a spot to snooze in the pretty garden. Looking around she spotted a mass of nodding flowers and settled herself down with a yawn.

But however hard Babbit tried she could not get comfortable. The sun was too strong (!!!) and her head began to ache. She searched some more until she came across the shade of a giant cabbage grown by the fair hands of the enchantress Pipany who was believed to make potions from the herbs in her garden and bring toy animals to life through the magic of her stitches. (Bear with me, I'm avoiding paperwork!!)

Try though she might, Babbit could still could not sleep. A gentle breeze ruffled the veined leaves of the cabbage, the light casting an unearthly glow as the they moved to and fro. Babbit moved on again and saw ahead of her an open door which led into a ramshackle house, the tired gutters full of birds' nests and the flaking paint of the windows sheltering intricate works of art: tiny woodlice wrapped in gossamer threads which shimmered in the soft breath of the wind; delicate spiders swinging like circus acrobats, their swollen bodies performing acts of great agility and skill as they wove and bound their treasures away safe from prying eyes.  Babbit left the magical garden behind and entered the (very shabby) house...

where she soon found a place to lie. Soft and warm and wrapped in the comforting folds of a worn-but-lovingly-made patchwork quilt, Babbit's eyes finally began to close.

Before long, she was woken from her slumber by the sound of distant voices coming closer ... closer ... until finally there stood before her three creatures just like herself. The more Babbit looked, the more she realised there was something different about these happy souls - each wore a dress of the finest fabrics with tiny flowers scattered here and there, 

and a pretty blossom nestled just by their long floppy ears.

The littlest of the three said to Babbit, "My name is Baby Babbit. Come with us and we will take you to see Pipany. She will make you a dress to keep you warm and find someone to love you forever."   (Cos she's good like that you know)

Babbit so wanted a dress and to wear a flower by her ear. She went with the little Baby Babbit even though she was just a tiny bit scared of meeting the enchantress Pipany having heard so many tales about her. 

"Is it true she sings sad songs and teaches them to her children, songs of Gypsy Rovers and Angels Way up Yonder; songs of Packing up your Troubles and Goodbye (ee) that speak of war & loss? I've heard she sometimes plays notes (the wrong ones) on a piano accordion and makes the cats cry in pain at the sound?" said Babbit with a tremor in her voice.

"Oh yes, all that and more," said the little Baby Babbit happily. "At the Eve of All Hallows she dresses in the strangest garb and sticks her head into tubs of the coldest water to fetch an apple. She hangs bats from the ceiling and dances in her kitchen with her (creepy) wizard to the strains of Black Sabbath and Meat Loaf, the children hacking the innards from a pumpkin and candles guttering in the breeze."

Babbit was now visibly trembling when before her appeared Pipany bearing a sewing needle in one hand and a glass of the finest champy in the other (cheap Cava from Asda, but hey, it all tastes the same to me)

In no time at all the three Babbits explained the predicament and downing the contents of her glass with one huge gulp, Pipany set to work. She cut and she sewed and she sang and muttered darkly to herself in the manner of one deranged as is her wont until finally...

Babbit was clothed in a dress of her very won, a flower of the pales pink perched elegantly upon her pretty head and a label bearing the name of her precious new owner who would live with her and love her...forever.

And with a flourish the wicked witch - er, the beautiful and wondrous enchantress Pipany, sent the newly-clothed Babbit on her way to a life full of joy and happiness, where cuddles and laughter would fill her days and there would be no sad songs of lamenting and loss (though what's wrong with such songs I have yet to discover despite the endless groans of said children and 'wizard'!)

Ta ta for now! x

• Postscript: No Babbits were harmed in the making of this blog post.
• Pipany actually runs her business in a manner most efficient when not faced with a paper mountain needing filing, thus leading to drivvle such a s this.
• Potions made by the enchantress Pipany include blackberry gin and sloe gin, both of which are jolly good when mixed with champy and sipped lovingly from a champagne saucer.