A world wrapped up in a thread.

It is late - well, late by my standards; 11pm on a chilly Thursday night and yet here I sit thinking thoughts of tablecloths and napkins (thanks Jane and Milla!) I have been musing on the finer points of the topic: What size is best? Should the shape be rectangular or square, straight or scalloped of edge, plain or patterned? What about fabric? The choices are many from oilcloth to linen (ooh and yet ouch because of the HUGE cost of fine linen), lightweight cotton which falls into such pretty pleats as it drifts in the breeze or heavier cottons which lie crisp where they are placed, forming neatly angled corners.....I'm getting carried away.

During my fevered musings on the ins and outs of table dressing I remembered something I have been planning to do since I was a teenager (well, I always was a bit odd)and made a mental note to at least start it before the year is out...I have always meant to make a memory cloth. The idea is that you have a plain cloth of some wonderful natural material that will last forever (such as linen) and everytime you have an occasion the people present at the meal write their names on the cloth in pencil. I then embroider these names onto the cloth as a permanent reminder of the people who have shared our table, though no-one write their name more than once.

I love this idea; I love the notion that everytime the cloth is used friends and family are brought to mind as your eye wanders over the delicate stitches and each meal, each gathering, is recalled once again. Of course, over the years there will be some who are no longer of this earth and perhaps a tear or two would be shed at the memories wrought, but for me that is an important part of life... to remember and acknowledge the good times and bad that have passed along the way, to not forget the people who have shaped our past and therefore left a footprint on our future. I am determined to start my own cloth and sooner rather than later as so many of my dear family can already no longer leave their signature for me to weave, winding their memory into the warp and weft for future generations to ponder over. Perhaps I may cheat a little and sew an honourary name for each anyway.

It is now morning and I have just read Pondside's wonderful news - Congratulations on the birth of a beautiful baby grandson Pondside and maybe this is the time to start a cloth of your own?!!

Have a lovely day everyone xx

I live in Afghanistan and am an accountant.....

...Apparently this is so! There I was planning a little blog in a soothing mood after my somewhat nerve-fraught launch of yesterday - obviously I mean the launch of my website not myself (images of self being propelled at speed in the manner of a circus act) - where was I? Oh yes, a little blog. Well, there on my profile writ large for all to see was the where I live bit - Penryn, Cornwall & Afghanistan, followed by my industry - an accountant; If only I had known! I wonder what sort of house I have what with all my hard earnt money fiddling, I mean accounting, all those books? Clearly I am an accountant for some high-flying business with nefarious underworld dealings requiring me to look over my shoulder on a regular basis (think Maffia and the Godfather here).

Hmm, time for a reality check methinks....Unfortunately I had tinkered with the profile in order to change my email contact and managed to lie - change - the various other sections without even knowing. Ah well, so back to Cornwall.

The sun is shining with all the capricious nature of an April day with showers and blustering winds keeping it company. The ducks seem to have got something under their tail feathers and are swimming full-lengths of the pond underwater, ducking down in the shallow end to pop up quite a while later in flapping disarray in the deeper waters on the other side. Yes, a lively day I think.

Yesterday really was a ludicrously, nerve-wracking experience for me, one I can almost liken to giving birth in some bizzare way (and believe me I KNOW what I am talking about there!). It felt like I had started something that I had no control over and goodness only knew where it was going to end! Yes, I realise that sounds rather dramatic and possibly rather pathetic too but it is honestly how I felt. All I could think was that these people who had somehow become very important to me over the last year were going to see something that was also very important to me and that maybe they would see something they didn't like, something that would change how they felt about me...Pipany.

I suppose this is the nature of having your own business, especially perhaps one which involves your own handiwork, your own tastes? It feels very much as though it is you that is being judged and therefore possibly you that may be found failing. On the upside I can honestly say I have finally found the confidence in myself to do this and say this is me and this is what I do, and I am proud of it. Huge steps forward for me and I am convinced it is in no small way due to this site and the people on it. So many ideas and views both alike and differing, so many words of sympathy, empathy and encouragement passed around as they are needed, and so many people forging friendships with no agenda other than to enjoy each other's company - a pretty amazing site I think you'll agree.

And so , before I go and weld myself once more to my sewing room (and yes I do agree, I am so lucky to have one and I LOVE it to bits), I would like to propose a toast and offer my thanks for all the wonderful, encouraging thoughts and words sent my way yesterday..... Purplecooers I think you're great!

(Oh and by the way, that grotty looking thing on Elias' neck in the photo is a transfer that we couldn't get off for the photo - cheers for the pressie Granny!)

Byeeee xx

Golly, it's been so long since I've blogged that I couldn't remember how - where do I go, what is my password and why isn't my user name accepted on Purplecoo? I'm hoping that is down to me not remembering the right username rather than having been removed from the hallowed walls! I shall be posting a quick email in a mo to ask for help (no change there then!). I felt the need to stop the sewing, making and locking myself away in my sewing room and get back in touch with all of you, but as I can't seem to get onto the site I thought I would blog instead and I have to say it feels really good to be doing so. The fingers are flying rather slower than they used to over the keyboard, but here I am nonetheless.

The holidays have been a real mixture this year with the worst weather I can remember for a long time; so easy to forget the relentless rain after a week of toes in hot sand and crystal seas for bathing. I think most of us have felt the challenge of entertaining children through weeks of wet weather and even this game-hungry gang began to tire of yet another day of Risk and Mah Jong. They have deserved medals for their patience while I have disappeared for hours at a time to make yet another item or Dave has glued himself to the computer in his quest to set up a website for me - and what a great job he has done despite an increasingly ropey computer which finally went into retirement yesterday to be replaced by one which actually does what it is supposed to do. More blooming expense!

On the upside the holiday has consisted of lots of lovely things too which I shall pop down in a list to avoid an endless ramble from my blog deprived brain!...

1. A short trip to stay in a little house just outside Hay-on-Wye with Dave, Lucy and Isabella for three nights. Such a pretty town and so lovely to hear Lucy's excitement at everything we did. Her squeals as we drove over the Severn Bridge alone made it very special.

2. Isabella going into the sea with Dave and giggling frantically as the water swept over her chubby litlle body. She looked for all the world like a mermaid, so at home is she in the water. In fact, that brings me on to...

3. Isabella swimming the length of the bath completely unaided and then doing it again for good measure!. I have never seen a baby so in love with water before. She truly is a mermaid.

4. As mentioned before, sewing, making and producing - a website, business cards and products. All very exciting and not just a little scary. Will let you know when it is active though it is beginning to feel as though the build up may lead to a total let down!!!! Now Pipany, this is not the time for jitters!

5. Elias and Dave going night fishing off Stack Point ( a huddle of rocks nestling in the sea and reached by a winding, wild footpath along the cliff edge by lantern light). The planning, the packing the picnic, the collecting together of rods and tackle and bait. The whole resulting in a triumphant return at eleven o'clock pm of an eleven year old boy clutching two large pollock caught by his own rod when he has never caught anything bigger than his finger before. How lovely to see his little face just beaming at me, his body almost wriggling with excitement like a puppy given a treat. Wonderful! Oh and Dad was pretty excited too!

6. An overnight trip to Bristol with my beautiful Lauren who leaves to begin her three year stint as a student of Bristol Uni on Monday. We stayed in the house she and three friends are renting in the Clifton area and walked for hours in the gorgeous sunshine as she showed me all the beautiful places. Such an independent girl blossoming into such a capable young woman; a very special time for just the two of us.

7. Games - well, you didn't really think I wouldn't mention them did you! Mah Jong, Risk, cards (Tarot, California Jack, Strip Jack Naked). No campfires as yet which is a real rarity, but plenty of time yet.

8. Isabella taking her first steps at 15 months of age. The whole family cheering her on and so enjoying her clapping herself as she navigated the hallway. So sweet.

Well, I think I had better stop for now. Once again, thank you everyone for all your lovely comments and support. I am just beginning the task of playing catch up so be patient! Lovely to get back to some normality though and of course that means Purplecoo!

Have a great day xx

I was tagged!

I had a bit of an Epiphany (or do I mean an e-Pipany?) today: I went onto the dashboard to write a blog and discovered I had clicked on something at sometime which meant all my comments were waiting for me to moderate them. Are you following or have you given up the will to live? Anyway, it was a lovely moment for me as I discovered not the three comments sitting in lonely isolation on my blogspot (yeuch!) but 21 waiting to be read...and I thought nobody loved me anymore!!! Validatation through blog comments? What me?

All has been restored to a state of normality and so I thought I would quickly reply to some of the things you had placed upon the blinding white of the page....
1. UPL - I would NEVER spell/grammar check your commments as I don't even do that to the rot I write! Am currently testing the lavender oil on pillow (and on cot, sleepsuit, etc) and will give the camomile in the bath a go tonight. I know the sleepless nights will eventually end but all suggestions are gratefully received. I red somewhere that roman camomile oil helps too.

Annak - only just realised that you tagged me for the 5 mood lifters so here goes....

1. Reading Grouse and Pondside's pieces on depression and self-esteem is a recent thing I use to lift the mood. Grouse's notion of writing down negative thoughts and then coming up with an action plan is currently what I do and has had really good results as I know that action is far better for me when I am low. The problem is always getting going and somehow it feels as if you have your own personal motivator there with her wonderful words. My suggestion for no.1? Print out Grouse's blog and pin it where you cannot avoid it!

2. Lists, lists and more lists!!! Actually, I really mean one list but with a few categories on it such as general, self, achievement, etc. Each one should only have a couple of things, but this way you actually schedule time for yourself even if it is only for a soak in the bath. The achievement one is for ONE job which you have put off doing - it can be anything, but start small. Make sure it gets done as the lift it will give your spirit as you cross it off the list is worth its weight in gold. I even put down one thing under kids so that I don't just let jobs take over - playing cards is the current favourite and doesn't need to take up too much time if you are feeling a bit pushed. The kids are chirpy because you've played and you don't have my best friend (Guilt) sitting at your shoulder all day!

3. Get outside- it can be the hardest thing to do if you feel low as all you want to do is hide away, but fresh air really helps. Decide where to go and make yourself look at the world around you. If you are in a park, look at the people and make up stories in your head about them as you walk! I find a wild and windy beach works for me although doing really physical jobs in the garden has the same effect. Find what works for you and go for it whatever the weather, but make sure you can enjoy the sense of wellbeing with a bath and glass of the necessary after.

4. Sleep!!! Oh, dear God, sleep! I remember it well and as I fell asleep on the sofa while Lucy read to me at 7.15 last night, slept on her bed for another ten mins after she had woken me and then went back to sleep on the sofa untill 10pm when I finally dragged my weary bones to bed, I can honestly say I think it is the secret to life! I actually felt slightly better today though am waning now! Catnap if it works for you but not so much that it stops you sleeping at night. If you wake, get up - lying there is the worse thing you can do. It is better to get up several times and email me...no, I meant make a cuppa or hot milk or something. The main thing is to try and stick to proper routines for sleep and to not have babies if you can possibly help it!

5. Write... whether a blog or a comment on a forum topic, a letter or a meandering scrawl in a notebook, I am convinced writing helps to clear away the dark thoughts. I think it gets them out of the head and onto the paper where you can bin them if you want or read them at a later date to try and understand what goes on when you are low. Mainly, use the purplecoo website for support as so many of us have been there.

Well, there you have it...I also recommend open fires, red wine (but not too much), good food, my wonderful Dave and laughing with the kids, swimming in the sea, oh lots really but remember that it WILL pass!

Have a lovely, cheery day xx

The baby, the cat and Gypsy Acora.

I am so tired. My brain is even more befuddled than usual, my eyes have reached new heights of red-rimmed grittiness and my muscles refuse to respond to the infrequent calls to work that my exhausted brain is sending them. Yep, Baby Isabella has once more descended into the realms of night stalker despite my best efforts to the contrary, and Tiger Lily, the cat from hell, has yowled all night to keep her company! (Ha, how innocent she looks in the photograph!) Apologies for the fact that this is not a new topic in my blogs and please feel free to scroll down to a merrier note (I promise to try to put one somewhere), but I thought having a quick blog (Oh why does it have to sound so YUKKY!) might order my thoughts and blow away the fog I am currently inhabiting.

Actually, having written that much on the subject I am already tired of its demanding any more of my time - and so to other things.

Logged on this morning and had a look at some of Jane's recommended links - oh I don't know why! Just seemed like a nice thing to do when you have a free five minutes because everyone's b******d off for a change in order to avoid the Grendel-creature that was once their mother!). Anyway, Jane frequently reminds me of myself (sorry Jane, wording this v.badly) due to the Capricorn link which means we are both prone to bouts of self-doubt, have a huge interest in all things spiritual and other worldly, and of course, the all important one, both have to finish reading a book once started however loathsome or boring it may be! So, there I am scrolling through her list when I discover one for a psychic called Beverly Night. Oops, just popped off to check on that as I thought it didn't seem right - it's Michele Knight (quelle Twerp!) Clicked on the link and there unfolded a world of paranormal experiences including free readings. Well, it had to be done didn't it? I had a go on the house number one where you put in the number of your house - no! Really Pip! - and in return Michele gives you the appropriate reading. Boy was I pleased! Our house number is all about love with a capital L - in family, relationships and with a heavy emphasis on the romantic. Of course, there was that little bit at the end about a possibility for obsessional love being somewhat a destructive force, but I am a firm believer in only taking the parts that work for you (good grief, now I sound like some sort of Sweeny Todd character!) Give it a go and see what pops up for you.

On a similar theme, there is a Romany psychic called Acora who is based in Plymouth - not Cornwall, but close enough that he makes frequent forays over the river - and many years ago Dave and I both went for a reading when he set up caravan in Truro for a few days. At the time we were not 'together' and had met up for the day as friends. We queued seperately as I was determined he should not link us in any way and finally Dave entered the hallowed van for his fortune to be told. He was not in a very happy place as his marriage had not long broken up and, as with many things in life, despite it having been an unhappy relationship for many years, it was still a horrendous thing to go through at the time. When his reading had finished he went to a nearby cafe to wait for me and a little while later my turn had come.

I admit to a feeling of trepidation as I sat in the kitsch and far too modern caravan. Where was the quaint Romany van with its painted woodwork and pots and pans? No, all I could focus on were the plethora of photographs adorning the walls, each one a black and white shot of a celebrity, Acora's elfin face poking into view at one or other corner in every one. The huge poster shot of the elegantly clad Welsh songstress exuding glamour from every pore and bearing nothing more than the legend 'Shirley' in exuberant lettering particularly caught my eye! Hmm, was I in good company, I wondered.

Acora read my palm, read the Tarot and got me to peer into the crystal ball - the upshot was that I was going through some terrible times (yep), had been for a long time (yep) and that it was about to change for the better (Oh thank the Lord!). He said I would have two children with a younger man whose name began with a 'D', who had loved me for a long time but had not yet told me so. He said I was unaware of this although many others saw it (was he calling me dense I wonder?). He also said I would be a published write, or would be well known for my writing and that it would be factual not fiction (blogging perhaps?). Suddenly, the tiny figure of the Gypsy Acora leapt from the bench seat it had formerly been perching upon to announce with vigour that 'someone has put a curse on your head which has been responsible for all your bad fortune. I take that curse (and he grabbed it from somewhere over my head) and send it back to them sevenfold,' at which point he sank back to his former state of ease! Well, shivers ran down my spine, I can tell you!

I imagine many of you have worked out the Dave link here. The strange thing is that at the time I was annoyed. I remember meeting up with Dave in the cafe and relating it all back to him, scoffing at the fact that he must have noticed us talking before we queued and laughing at the notion that I should have any more children when I was already coping with three on my own. Ha, that'll teach me! Poor Dave sat there in silence as I gently shattered what I later found out were his hopes for the future - a life with me and our children, one huge happy family with a like-minded partner who would allow him to be the person he had buried for years and, hopefully, with one or two little beings of our own to cement the family together.

Fluke or a true gift for reading the future? I'll leave you to decide.

Bye for now xx
(and sorry JAne for name-dropping!)

Me again!

Well, it seems like a lifetime since I last blogged and the only reason I can give is that I have had little to blog about. It has been a quiet patch here at Poltisko Farm, but I have logged in regularly to see what you have all been up to. So thrilled to hear about both Jane's move and her news about the book. Late as ever, I am planning to read it to the children (probably including the 17 year old) as of tonight as it seems to be the only way I can get to it. I love the whole ritual of story-telling with the kids all sitting round and snuggled up in duvets (well, it IS summer after all!) and love even more the fact that the older ones will often sneak in for a listen too, long limbs wrapped around the warm bodies of the little ones as they sleepily listen to the familiar tales. They say it reminds them of when they were tiny, particularly if I am reading one of their favourites from what now seems so long ago.

All the children are huge readers, though not all of fiction; Tom prefers biographies and reference books, while Lauren loves everything (just like her Mum!) Sam and Elias love fantasy novels, and Lucy is a law unto herself - she reminds me so much of myself at her age, several books on the go at once and no library large enough to keep up with the rate at which she devours them! We are currently reading The Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder and I have learnt how to clean and prime a gun (!), how to look after, kill and butcher a pig (useful one this, I feel), and how to prepare one's home for the impending winter months by ensuring the loft is full of pumpkins, grain and a variety of fruit and veg. It's a lovely read, though not a patch on my own favourite, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. How many times I read that book and the rest of the series, and how traumatised was I that Jo didn't marry Laurie!

Well, little else to say today. The past couple of weeks saw sad news as a very dear and lovely friend went into labour with her first child to find it had died because the placenta had detached. Nothing else was wrong and the baby was a perfect little girl. She had heard the heartbeat only the day before and had had a trouble free pregnancy, yet it was not meant to be and she is now suffering terribly. I can only imagine what she and her husband are going through and know that some of you have also been there too - my heart goes out to you all.

I will try to write something upbeat tomorrow and in the meantime I'm going to treat myself to a meander through all your lovely blogs. Take care all xx

PS. Chris, so very sorry about the setback, but that's all it is - keep going; I am sure it is meant to happen x